I can’t remember when I first heard the name “Matthew Vines.” Mostly likely, it was around the same time thousands of other people first heard it: 2012. In March of that year, Matthew gave a one hour presentation at College Hill United Methodist Church on “The Bible and Homosexuality.” After the video was posted to YouTube, it went viral and now has over one million views. Only a year later, he founded The Reformation Project, an organization dedicated to advancing LGBTQ inclusion in the Church. By 2014, his book God and the Gay Christian was published. All of this occurred by his early 20s, after leaving Harvard University during his freshman year to process his own journey of faith and sexuality.
In 2012, I had just been accepted to Marquette University’s PhD program and was moving to Wisconsin to start my studies. I was still a traditionalist in my views of same-sex relationships at the time. And my first impression of Matthew was that he was young, cocky, and wrong. I was annoyed by his affirming views and unpersuaded by his arguments. In fact, I critiqued him in various places on the internet. It was through those critiques that Matthew became acquainted with my name at some point. That would prove pivotal only six years later when Eerdmans published my first book Scripture, Ethics, and the Possibility of Same-Sex Relationships.
In 2018, an e-mail showed up in my in-box from none other than Matthew Vines. He had learned of my shift to an affirming view of marriage for gay couples. He wanted to help promote my new book and asked if I would be willing to speak at The Reformation Project conference that October. I said yes but, privately, I still perceived Matthew and his organization as “liberal.” And where I come from that term is not favorable. Despite becoming affirming, I still had difficulty overcoming psychological bias toward theological “enemies.” My church culture had raised me to hold those with different views at arms length. I had been trained to associate only with those who are like-minded and to emotionally and physically distance myself from everyone else. Despite the fact that I now shared an affirming view with Matthew, my old prejudices were still operating in the background.
It was a surprise, then, when I finally met Matthew in-person, that I found him to be a down-to-earth, humble, caring person. In fact, I was taken aback when he expressed how he had come to respect my critical thinking skills articulated in my previous traditionalist argumentation. Rather than being angry or adversarial about my previous criticism, he seemed intrigued. He extended a warm welcome, inviting me to participate in a panel with him and James Brownson, the Reformed New Testament scholar and author of Bible, Gender, and Sexuality.
From then on, I began to develop a friendship with Matthew that continues to this day. Following that first Reformation Project conference, a handful of LGBTQ Christian leaders got together in 2019 for a quiet weekend retreat to encourage one another and pray about how we could strengthen a theologically orthodox and affirming Church. Matthew was part of this retreat, allowing me an opportunity to witness up-close and personal his genuine faith. I think it was on this retreat that I really came to develop an affection for Matthew.
The following year, I moved to Dallas, Texas to be near my fiancée, Sally (who I married in December 2020). As it turns out, Matthew was also moving to Dallas from Kansas to be near the man he had been dating, Zach (who he married in 2022). Over the past few years, it has been a joy to spend time with Matthew and Zach (his husband is a sweetheart). Sometimes Matthew and I meet up for lunch or gab for a couple hours on the phone. I enjoy seeing the wheels turn in Matthew’s ever churning brain. He is scary smart, sometimes dogmatically opinionated, and yet willing to listen and consider different points of view. In fact, he often absorbs podcasts and books by those with opinions different from his own. Matthew has an excellent ability to sort through it all and articulate concepts in a nuanced way. I love our “nerd time,” wrestling through various issues.
This past weekend, I experienced my third Reformation Project Conference, and I think it was probably the best so far. It was a wonderful time of fellowship and encouragement. Five years after first meeting Matthew, I was so grateful to be invited back to speak, only this time as a dear friend. I gave a presentation on “What Is Good Sex? Ethical Wisdom from the Bible,” which summarizes an 8-module video course on sex and the Christian life that I teach (available at the Reformation Project). Matthew gave a compelling address on matters of identity and problems with expressive individualism and queer theory (which I hope will be available soon on YouTube).
Matthew and I share a desire to hold onto our rich Christian heritage. We seek change utilizing the tools of tradition: reformation. As those who seek reform in the Church, we long to build up the Body of Christ to attain spiritual maturity in love. For all those who may feel disillusioned with the Church or the Bible because of exposure to anti-LGBTQ rhetoric, we encourage you to hold onto your faith. We invite you to be part of this historic and Spirit-led movement of reform. We invite you to go even deeper into the Word of God. In closing, I leave you with one of my favorite presentations from Matthew, “Yesterday, Today, and Forever: The Heart of Christianity.”