Gay and Gender Atypical
Gay and Gender Atypical
First up in the Gender Stories series: why are so many gay people gender atypical?
Gender Stories is a series seeking to better understand the experiences of gender atypical, transgender, and non-binary people, all from a Christian perspective. See the schedule of upcoming live interviews.
Karen Keen and Sally Gary discuss their own experiences of gender as gay women. Studies show gay people have higher rates of being gender atypical. Why is that? Sally and Karen explore this particular gender experience through their own stories. Karen Keen is a biblical scholar and spiritual care provider with The Redwood Center for Spiritual Care and Education. And Sally Gary is the executive director of the Christian ministry CenterPeace, which serves LGBTQ people, parents of LGBTQ loved ones, as well as pastors and ministry leaders.
Click on the video below to watch/listen, or click on this link to access.
Questions:
1. What is your understanding of the terms “sex” and “gender”?
2. Do your interests and personality align with what is common for people of your sex? What has been your social experience with same-sex peers?
3. According to Karen and Sally, what are possible reasons someone might be gender atypical?
4. Who do you know that is gender atypical that you might befriend or get to know better?
Relevant Terms:
tomboy: a term originating in the 16th century to refer to unruly boys. By the late 16th century it was applied to girls who were boistrous (i.e. acted like boys). In recent years the term has fallen out of fashion, in part, because it became associated with white middle and upper-class usage.
gender atypical: a person who experiences congruence with their natal (birth) sex, but has higher rates of interests, traits, and behaviors that are more commonly demonstrated in the opposite sex.
gender non-conforming: same definition as “gender atypical” (I prefer gender atypical because non-conforming sounds like performed resistance to social norms, rather than natural traits a person may have been born with. However, scientific studies tend to use the term gender non-conforming).
gender expansive: similar meaning to gender atypical, but might include those who are uncertain if they identify with their natal sex. In other words, the term can apply to gender identity and not only gender associated interests and behaviors.
butch, boi, or stud: females who identify as women but exhibit masculine traits or behaviors. Some terms are used more commonly by white women (butch) and others by Black women (stud). And some terms are used across populations. For example, the term boi is sometimes used by feminine gay males or transgender people. Gay males who do not conform to gender norms are also sometimes referred to as queens (used both positively and pejoratively).
I list these terms because it’s helpful for cross-cultural engagement with the LGBTQ community and for understanding the language younger people are using these days. What should we make of these terms? If you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable with the variety of labels used (and I sometimes do), focus on listening to people’s stories. Get to know the individual in front of you.
When it comes to gender atypical people who use terms that are unfamiliar to you, ask and listen for what this term means on a heart level for this person. Look beyond the dictionary definition to what the word conveys about a person’s life experiences, needs, and values. Perhaps it conveys the reality of being different and misunderstood by others, or the desire for community belonging, or the hope of being truly seen and known.
When Sally and I describe ourselves as gender atypical, we are not referring to an intentional protest against social norms (though we certainly reject cultural trends that subjugate women). Rather, we use the term to refer to our lived experience as females who often find our interests and personalities traits to differ from what we have commonly experienced among women in general. Sometimes this reality of being different has created hardship in our lives, whether being restricted from cultivating natural abilities that others deemed inappropriate for our female sex or experiencing the loneliness of not fitting in with same-sex peers.
Sally and I did not set out to be gender atypical, but over time, we have come to love and enjoy who we are as God’s creation. We can now say with the psalmist, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalm 139:14; NIV).
SOURCES:
Regarding Gender Nonconformity and Sexual Orientation:
Henny Bos, et al., “Gender Nonconformity, Sexual Orientation, and Dutch Adolescents’ Relationship with Peers”
Monika Folkierska-Żukowska, et al., “Childhood Gender Nonconformity and Recalled Perceived Parental and Peer Acceptance Thereof, Internalized Homophobia, and Psychological Well-Being Outcomes in Heterosexual and Gay Men from Poland”
Gu Li, et al., “Childhood Gender-Typed Behavior and Adolescent Sexual Orientation: A longitudinal Population-Based Study”
Gerulf Rieger, et al., “Sexual Orientation and Childhood Gender Nonconformity: Evidence from Home Videos”
Regarding Pre-Natal Hormones and Impact on Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression:
Anthony F. Bogaert, “Male Homosexuality and Maternal Immune Responsivity to the Y-linked Protein NLGN4Y”
S. Marc Breedlove, “Prenatal Influences on Human Sexual Orientation: Expectations Versus Data
Melissa Hines, “Sex-Related Variation in Human Behavior and the Brain”
Brenda Todd, “Sex Differences in Children's Toy Preferences: A Systematic Review, Meta-Regression, and Meta-Analysis”
Regarding Terminology:
Michelle Ann Abate, “Tomboy”
Lisa Selin Davis, “Remember the Word 'Tomboy'? Here's How Cultural Forces and Norms are Finally Helping Us Shed the Outdated Term”
Meilin Miller, “The Impact of Patriarchy on Stud Lesbians”
Learn how you and your church can better minister to the LGBTQ community. Apply for CenterPeace’s Certificate in LGBTQ Ministry.
Whether you are LGBTQ, a parent of an LGBTQ loved one, or a pastor, you will find a place to belong at the CenterPeace Conference October 24-26 in Dallas, Texas.
